Vs
so this past september, my roommate louis (depicted above on the left) of over two years moved out of our house and the room adjacent to mine to pursue employment up north. i found this very lame considering the enjoyment i derived from having him right next door. the pain of this loss, however, was dulled a few weeks ago when my friend nikki (right) moved in. though nikki hasn't been moved in for all that long, i thought it would be interesting to do a little side-by-side comparison of my former and current roommates, judging nikki's progress against louis's past performance in several different categories. here we go.
Cheapness
ok, so to anyone that knows louis this category is kind of obvious. or is it?
louis: louis is really, really, really cheap. case in point: about six months ago louis's girlfriend was visiting for a few days. louis decided to cook some spaghetti sauce and asked me if he could use the red pepper that i had in the crisper, saying that he would "replace" it. "sure", i said, assuming that a few days later an equivalent piece of fruit would be back in the fridge. a few days later i was digging around, looking for something to cook when i see this tiny little red pepper chillin in the fridge. it's funny because my first reaction was shock. i didn't think about it at all, my brain just instantaneously processed the absurdity of louis's cheapness in replacing my actual red pepper with one that more closely resembled a red jalapeño than a bell pepper.
nikki: nikki is not cheap at all. i remember going to a bar with her and ringing up a $100+ tab within like an hour and a half or something silly like that. she quickly scooped up and paid the bill before i had the chance to put anything in. ridiculous. this is the kind of person she is-she gives and gives. you have to stop her sometimes.
while this comparison seems to lead to an obvious winner in this category, let's not be so hasty. the upside to louis's cheapness is the comic value that it brings. kevin and louise will remember countless evenings of me singing the tune to popular songs with the lyrics altered to express how cheap louis is. example: "i'm just mad about coupons, i like saving money..." and so on and so forth("mellow yellow"). while this holds considerable value for myself and others lucky enough to experience it, it's not enough to take the category.
advantage: nikki
hangin'
this category refers to the frequency, quality and diversity of hangs with the respective roommate.
louis: i had some seriously quality hangs with louis. there would be the occasional night out at a party or in some bar which was always a good time, as louis is a fun, interesting dude, and a particularly humorous drunk. there were also countless nights of me procrastinating on doing schoolwork by making a visit to louis's room only to find him buried deep in public health literature, writing out a potential journal article or grant proposal. i would annoy him, ask him inane questions, play the guitar better than him. still, he always entertained my queries/comments and never seemed at an imposition. my favorite times with louis, however, were our runs. he was someone to talk to and he kept me motivated. that these runs no longer take place makes me sad.
nikki: nikki is automatically at a disadvantage n this category, not because of a lack of quality in our hang-sessions, but simply because she works allll the time and is scarcely around to hang out. this is unfortunate, because we often have a good, long bro-down about like you know, life and shit. also, she's always game for going out to lunch/dinner and few other girls can put away bourbon like she can.
despite nikki's many assets, the fact remains that she is simply not around enough. i wish she was, but...
advantage:brown
looks
this one is tough. both roommates are very attractive.
louis: tall, thin, in good shape, and possessing lincolnian features. louis drives the ladies wild with his looks, not to mention his boyish charm.
nikki is also thin, pretty and in good shape. her excellent bar service isn't the only reason she pulls in the big tips.
her height is deceptive. seriously, she'll be like 4 inches shorter than me, then 20 minutes later we're the same height. i don't know what this means.
look at those dimples. come on!
advantage:nikki
in summary:
it looks like new roommate nikki comes in 2-1 over old roommate louis. not to worry, louis. i still have much love for you, and will never forget the times we shared.
